In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize