I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
