no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
