I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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