Having a random hookup so left but love u
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
