She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
