We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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