So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
