You don't have asthma, your pregnant
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
