dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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