My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
