oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
