Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
