if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
