is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
