sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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