I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize