Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
