It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
