ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
