Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
