i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
