So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
