The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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