Me too!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
