Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
