just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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