She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
