im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
