so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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