I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
