I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
