I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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