he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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