best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
