you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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