The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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