Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
