My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
