dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
