is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
