Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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