My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
