Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
