Screwed.edu
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
