so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
