i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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