The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
