Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
