Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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