does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
