The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
