I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
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