is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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