I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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