once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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