kristin has been a bad kristin
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
