just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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