Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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