tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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