its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
