Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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