I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
