its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
